What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
15.06.2025 11:22
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
One cannot live in the past .
Isn't it a turn on to have sex with a girl in a skirt or in a tight spandex?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
As an atheist don't you really feel fear for committing sins which are not violating national laws?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Do any other guys like to eat cum of another man from their wife's pussy?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Why are people saying that Trump is fat when he is an athletic 6 foot 3 and 215 pounds?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
So, i spoilt her more .
She found it foreign!.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
What is it like to be a Christian in Iran?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Is the media protecting Kamala Harris?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I was very sick at this time too.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
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I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I write beautiful poetry .
What parts of the Bible, if any, are inappropriate to read to children? Why?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But it wasn’t much.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
This is soul school!.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I will be 64.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Who then, do I blame.?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was seconnd youngest,
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He knew the spot.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She wouldn,t have been !
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Would this be the day?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I think the readers, may guess!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Put me off passion for life!!
He resisted the act ,that day.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
We were not on the streets..
Ive learnt so much.
She was in good health!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
So whats the point in blame.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Comes on , in middle age.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She loved him until the end.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
All the time i was locked up.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I said to her
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Especially a lifetime of it.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My life is so biszare .
I could never make a relationship work though!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
What did i know ?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
It was going to be , some day.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She married twice! .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My family never makes their pension either.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I couldn’t, believe it.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I was 9 years of age.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Was to survive, this bastard.
I don,t even have a pension.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But, we were locked up after school.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was scared of men, in general
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I have no regrets .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I waited trembling.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And i lived it daily.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Im still living with it.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
When she asked me how she looked .
We all went to grammer schools
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!